Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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