Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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