i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
