I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
