She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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