i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
