i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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