Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize