when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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