I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
