All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
