I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Four minutes until I can fart!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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