Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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