If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
