i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
