Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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