Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
