I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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