i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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