I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
