Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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