i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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