we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This baby is an asshole
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
