SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
