why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
