He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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