I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
