I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
