In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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