Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
