And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
