the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize