Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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