Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
