Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Randomize
