I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
