I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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