His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
