My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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