I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
