You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize