i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
