I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
