well I can't set my house on fire every night
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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