u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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