do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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