There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
