I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize