how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
