my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
