Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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