You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
