You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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