Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
