New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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