dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
