I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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