That's intense
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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