you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
