Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
