spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
