Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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