I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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