'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
