Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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