it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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