only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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