apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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