I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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